The Gift: Are you team on or off registry?
Today we're talking about what makes a good wedding gift — and debating whether or not it's okay to go off-registry. Plus: what to give a grumpy roommate and a great deal on some very luxe towels.
About a decade ago, my best friend got married. At the time we were in a long-distance friendship, and when I flew across the country to stand next to her at the wedding, I toted with me a very carefully wrapped stoneware pitcher and matching glass set in my carry-on. The set was beautiful: hand-thrown and glazed in a timeless but unique matte off-white. Many years later, we're lucky enough to be back on the same coast. Most weeks I find myself pretty blissfully biking over for dinner at some point, where the pitcher sits amid us, her husband, and their two-year-old. I won't wade too far into the on- or off-registry debate. I'll leave that to the professionals below. But what I will say is that regardless, a good wedding gift can be an opportunity to extend the point of the whole shebang: to serve as a reminder to the couple, in various chapters of their lives, of the love and support of their chosen family. Over the years, I've gone both on and off the registry. If you can't decide, I'm quite partial to the combo gift: I've written before about how my mom gives every couple an atlas ("It invites a focus on broader horizons," she says) — often alongside something off their registry or a contribution to their honeymoon fund. Or you can use the registry as a jumping-off point: Newsletters editor Isoke Samuel says that one of the most special gifts she received for her wedding was a set of champagne glasses — notably not the ones on her registry. The gifter's parents had received a similar set, and they were the most special glasses in their home growing up. Isoke says, "I was touched by the chance to be included in someone else's family tradition." Finally, if you choose to go on-registry for the big day, you can always supplement it by gifting something a little more personal for another celebration. For one of my friend's bridal showers, I got her this multicolored catchall glass dish that's so beloved by her and her wife, they've taken to affectionately calling it "their lady." Or take a page out of gifts editor Hannah Morrill's book: Her go-to present for any celebration is a set of these jewel-toned flutes, which she has dubbed the best gift for just about anyone. And if you're in the throes of your own late-20s-to-early-30s wedding circuit and just need to wrap up some cash in a gorgeous card and call it a day, well, permission granted to do that, too.
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The case for on-registry: "Generally speaking, if you want to scratch your own shopping itch or ego, then, by all means, buy off-registry. But if you want to center the couple, use the registry that they took the time to make knowing their very own wants and needs. While there are some exceptions, countless landfills are brimming with the assumption that the gift giver needed to be original and overrule the giftee. And for couples who aren't super well off or just laid down a bundle to take care of their wedding guests, an unwanted gift takes the place of something they could actually use." — Mari Uyehara, Wirecutter gifts expert The case for off-registry: "When my closest friends have gotten married, I just can't buy them a colander. I always feel like the registry is for their great aunt Tilly, not their best girl Hannah. But if you're going to go off-registry, you've got to get them something spectacular or sentimental. When a high school friend got married years ago, I had found a dish towel screenprinted with the calendar year. I embroidered a heart around her wedding date, and it's still framed in their house. At the time I also didn't have a ton of money, and had spent money on my bridesmaid dress, shower, and travel to the wedding, and the item within my budget I could buy on the registry was sad, anyway." — Hannah Morrill, Wirecutter gifts expert
My roommate of seven years is grumpy, and loves history, pasta, and eggs — in that order! He has a pretty mellow attitude to gifts so I'd love to get him something special. – S.B. From gifting expert Mari Uyehara: I normally wouldn't recommend gifting books to a history buff, but since you can scope out his shelves, consider any of food historian Mark Kurlansky's works (Salt: A World History is a classic). For more obscure stuff, look to culinary bookstore Kitchen Arts & Letters. It carries both out-of-print rarities and newer brainy titles, like Frostbite: How Refrigeration Changed Our Food, Our Planet, and Ourselves. If he keeps his interests separated, Italian food purveyor Gustiamo is a favorite of chefs for sourcing from exceptional, small producers. Our kitchen team favors the Party in Cucina Gift Basket, but you could also cobble together an amazing basket with goodies like rich, meaty jarred Piennolo tomatoes; tiny, nutty chickpeas; and briny, Sardenian bottarga. Almost any egg enthusiast would marvel at a hand-forged egg spoon (a la Alice Waters) or a Mauviel copper bowl (copper ions help stabilize whipped whites). For more wallet-friendly options, this slotted French spatula easily slides under runny eggs, this nonstick fry pan aids omelet-making, and this chef-designed spoon is favored in restaurants for shaping, tasting, basting, and drizzling. Many grumps are soft-hearted, so whatever you get him, I hope it elicits a gruff, appreciative blush.
Have someone who's impossible to shop for? Submit your question here. One last gift (for you): These on-sale luxurious towels are lighter, drape better, and dry faster than any terry towel we tried — and they come in quite pretty colors. Was this email kindly forwarded to you? Sign up here to get this newsletter in your inbox.
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